Melinda French Gates on Secrets: ‘Live a Truthful Life, Then You Don’t Have Any’
Spending time with Melinda French Gates offers a profound sense of renewed hope for humanity. The renowned billionaire philanthropist, investor, and unwavering advocate for the rights of women and girls stands as a rare exemplar among the ultra-wealthy in America, one who genuinely embraces the immense responsibility that accompanies her vast fortune.
Gates is now channeling a significant portion of that responsibility, alongside billions of her personal dollars, into Pivotal Ventures. This ambitious collective of organizations is dedicated to advancing women’s interests both within the United States and across the globe. Most recently, Pivotal announced a substantial $250 million in awards to women’s health organizations spanning 22 countries. In an era marked by governmental challenges to women’s interests and diversity, alongside the unsettling closeness between tech industry leaders and political figures, it felt particularly timely to engage with Gates on these pressing issues. Her journey through the predominantly masculine "debate club" of Big Tech, coupled with her candid observations about billionaires who are hesitant to commit to large-scale giving, left a surprising and inspiring impression. For anyone feeling exasperated by the day’s news, her perspective serves as a powerful reminder that not all billionaires are alike, and some continue to champion greater equality for all.
In a recent interview, Gates opened up about her life, work, and vision for a more equitable world. The conversation began with a series of rapid-fire questions, offering a glimpse into her daily habits and immediate thoughts. Her first action upon waking is to get coffee. When asked about a tech product she wished she could invent for women’s health, her answer was concise and impactful: a "self-controlled reproductive tool." On the myth she wishes people would stop believing about philanthropy, she firmly stated, "That it can solve everything." She recommended Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening and confessed to a habit she refuses to give up: enjoying a "real Coke over ice."
Perhaps the most revealing rapid-fire response came when asked the best way for a public figure to keep a secret. Gates’ wisdom was simple yet profound: "Just live a truthful life, then you don’t have any." This philosophy underpins much of her approach to life and work. The most surprising challenge she has encountered in women’s health, she revealed, is the stark "lack of funding." She also envisioned emerging technologies like AI and biotech as powerful accelerators for philanthropy, capable of "solv[ing] things much more quickly when we get the right models for the human body, particularly in health." Her best parenting hack: "No one leaves the kitchen till Mom leaves the kitchen."
This year, Gates published a candid memoir that delves into significant life transitions, opening with a memorable story from her Catholic school days. She recounted being caught with clear nail polish by priests, leading to her mother being called to bring remover. Her father’s outrage, not at the nail polish itself, but at the waste of her mother’s time and the triviality of the rule, became an early, powerful lesson on the implicit commentary on the worth of women and women’s work. Her father, who worked on early Apollo missions, often spoke of the superior performance of teams that included female mathematicians, instilling in her the belief that diverse teams are better teams.
This foundational belief informed her career path. Gates studied computer science at Duke University, a field that was on the rise but still largely male-dominated. She described the culture shock of moving from all-girls schools to a co-ed university, where boys would "shout out the answer and trying to get the most attention." This "debate club" environment became a training ground, teaching her how to code with men and manage male teams, which proved invaluable for her later career in tech. Despite the promising trajectory for women in computer science in the late 1980s, the field saw a "precipitous drop" in female graduates shortly after she earned her degree.
She chose Microsoft over an offer from IBM, a decision that profoundly shaped her life. Microsoft’s early days presented a starkly male-dominated culture, unlike IBM where she had seen more female managers and balanced teams. While she enjoyed the challenging and world-changing work, she found Microsoft’s internal environment to be a "male debating society." She quickly rose through the ranks, managing programmer teams, but realized this aggressive culture wasn’t conducive to her best self or her teams’ optimal performance. At a point two years into her Microsoft career, she recognized she "didn’t like who I had become or was becoming," feeling "more harsh and hard-edged." Taking a bold step, she decided to "just try being myself at this company," even expecting to fail. To her surprise, being authentic attracted developers who sought a different, more supportive environment. This led her and a few others to "create a culture of our own inside of that culture," an "amazing lesson for me about being yourself."
Reflecting on life’s pivotal choices, she acknowledged the "Sliding Doors" moment of choosing Microsoft over IBM. While her life would have been "very, very different" had she stayed in Dallas, she believes she would have still become a professional woman. The cultural differences between the South and Seattle, she noted, likely contributed to her centrist perspective.
For over two decades, Gates co-founded and co-chaired the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, transforming it into one of history’s largest philanthropic organizations. She defined philanthropy as "using your voice, your time, your skills, or your money, your resources, to change the world for the better." This definition, learned in high school through community service, has remained constant. She learned early that "one person can make the difference in the life of someone else," a lesson that gained immense significance as she realized the vast resources she would eventually command.
She discussed The Giving Pledge, an initiative she, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffett created to encourage billionaires to commit a majority of their wealth to philanthropy. While crediting Buffett for the "big idea" of changing norms around generational wealth, she addressed a recent study indicating that many original pledgers have become significantly wealthier since signing. She views this as "almost slightly two different things." The Pledge’s purpose was to establish a new norm, but whether individuals have given "enough" is a separate question. While some have given at a "massive scale," others are "trying or aren’t ready to." She hopes to demonstrate that large-scale, bold giving is possible, acknowledging that barriers like fear of poor spending or difficulty finding trusted organizations can hold people back.
Gates also voiced her expectations for the ultra-wealthy, emphasizing that "to whom much is given, much is expected." She argues that those who benefited from the country’s systems—education, regulatory environment, venture capital—should give back "far more than they are." Regarding billionaires like Peter Thiel and Elon Musk, who use their wealth to influence politics rather than philanthropy, she chose not to name names but observed that they "clearly have a different set of values or a different system." While acknowledging that some may be "still building" their careers and might engage in philanthropy later, she warned against waiting too long, as "then it is almost too late." Her hope is that they "get started sooner" and find good leaders for their philanthropic endeavors.
The increasing influence of tech money in politics, especially within the Trump administration, is a concern. While she noted the Supreme Court’s decision on money in politics allows for this, she sees it as a natural consequence of where wealth is being created today—in tech. She speculated that executives engaging with political figures might be motivated by business interests, either joining a "popularity party" or disengaging from DEI initiatives they "never wanted to do that stuff in my company to begin with."
The potential rollback of commitments to diversity, equity, and inclusion deeply worries Gates. She hopes "this, too, shall pass," but recognizes the immediate impact on families, education, and job opportunities. Transparency about diversity in the tech sector, for instance, is crucial. She firmly believes that "the more diversity we have at the table when we are discussing product features and what to put in and what to leave out, the conversations are better, and what we put into the products are better or worse depending on different points of view." Her vision for society includes greater representation in institutions, from state houses to Congress, to mirror the populace.
In 2024, Gates announced her departure from the Gates Foundation to fully dedicate herself to Pivotal Ventures. Last fall, Pivotal issued a $250 million global open call to support organizations focused on women’s mental and physical health. This initiative highlighted a shocking statistic: only 1% of global research and development funding (excluding cancer) goes to women’s health. The call, which received over 4,000 applications, aims to find and scale solutions across six continents. These organizations address a spectrum of issues, from mental and nutritional health to reproductive health and women’s body health broadly. The goal is to identify "force multipliers" in communities and "signal to the world that women’s health is important."
The challenges faced by these organizations are immense. In the United States, post-Dobbs decision, doctors grapple with legal uncertainties regarding access to contraceptives and vital medication like misoprostol, used to stop postpartum hemorrhaging, fearing loss of medical licenses. This creates "fear in a system that is already teetering." Internationally, organizations in Africa, for example, struggle with a lack of access to contraceptives due to "the pull back from USAID," with dire consequences for women’s safety and health. Gates cited an example of a Seattle-based organization that supports mothers from pregnancy until the baby is two years old, addressing crucial postpartum depression that often goes unnoticed by the medical system.
Facing such profound frustrations, Gates channels her emotions by first processing them in silence, with a therapist, or with friends, then funneling that energy into productive work. Her three adult children and two granddaughters also provide joy and respite. In her work, she seeks "points of light"—organizations on the front lines doing the hard work—and demonstrates to the world "what should get done, what can get done." She connects these projects with other philanthropists, finding hope in their readiness to engage. She looks for leaders who are "resilient, flexible, courageous," and deeply knowledgeable about their specific work, building supportive teams around them.
Gates has also criticized the pervasive "productivity culture" that glorifies overwork, famously calling sacrificing sleep for productivity "so dumb." She attributes her countercultural stance on rest to her parents, who, despite their busy lives, prioritized family time and taught the importance of naps. She observes a gradual cultural shift towards mindfulness and rest, especially among younger generations, and believes that those who prioritize it will ultimately fare better in the long run.
When asked what she hopes her children will say about her in 50 years, she expressed hope that they will reflect on having "thought a lot about their values and they know who they are because they learned that from their mom." She also hopes they will remember "the importance of being loved by family and friends," ultimately considering this more important than professional achievements.
On her mind these days is the deep polarization within the nation, though she finds "a little more encouraged after the recent elections and seeing Congress start to vote on some things in a bipartisan way." She also feels a profound sadness for struggling families in the United States, grappling with rising grocery and rent bills, and the over 200,000 women who have left the workforce due to a lack of adequate caregiving. Despite these challenges, she emphasizes the necessity of finding "points of light" and standing with one another.
To conclude the interview on a lighter note, Gates played a game of "Control, Alt, Delete." If she could control any piece of tech, it would be "where AI is headed," maximizing its "amazing possibilities" for health while minimizing its downsides. She would alter the timing of when children receive phones, suggesting "ninth grade, entering ninth grader" as the appropriate age, citing the "profound effects on the mental health of young people" from earlier access. Finally, she would "delete social media," believing it has "done more harm than it’s done good in the world," though she acknowledges some positive aspects like challenging narratives. She finds hope in young people increasingly choosing to disengage from social media, preferring real-world interactions, and shared an anecdote about her youngest daughter and her friends using a "phone stack" during meals to ensure genuine conversation.
